Bridging the Gap in a Long Distance Relationship

I have previously written before about my experience in a long distance relationship, and have seen more than ever that I am not alone.  An increasing number of couples, especially those in their early twenties, are finding themselves stuck in long distance relationships.  Whether it only be a couple hundred miles or a couple thousand apart long distance relationships are never easy and I can say from personal experience that even after years apart it can still be lonely missing someone you care so much about.  You lose that sense of intimacy and connection you take for granted in an face-to-face relationship, and that can take a toll on any couple.  However, with all of the new technology of the recent years it has become much easier to make the distance not feel so long.  Here are some pretty neat ways to help lesson the distance in your LDR.

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Build-a-Bear

This may sound like a weird suggestion, but Build-a-Bears can be great for long distance relationships!  You can make ones together which, if you've never made one before, can definitely be a fun bonding experience on its own with the silly things they put you through.  Once you have it stuffed, you can dress the bear up and name it together.  Also, you can even record a sound and have it inserted into your bear, leaving loving messages for each other while you are apart.  It's sweet way to have something connecting you through the distance.

My boyfriend and I made one together for him and it was hilarious the things they made him do before he could put the heart in, like jumping up and down and spinning around (and it was in the middle of the Boston store!!).

Adorable and embarrassed.

Online Games

If you and your significant other like playing games in person, then see what multi-player games you can find online.  Here is a link to some great online multiplayer games that you might like take a look out.  My boyfriend enjoys online games far more than I do so our multi-player games are usually pretty basic because I'm so terrible at most of them.  We generally like card games, checkers, or other board games converted to online play.  It's definitely a fun way to make the distance feel a little less extreme, and you can use it to challenge them to later in person game marathons.

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Phone Apps

Having a smartphone is probably the greatest tool you can have for a long distance relationship.  There are so many amazing apps to play around with that are specific for those in LDRs.  One app my boyfriend and I love using is called couple.  It's like social networking, but only between the two of you.  You can upload photos, draw pictures with one another, make lists, add important dates, and thumb kiss (my favorite part).  A thumb kiss is when you each match up your thumb on the screen and it vibrates, "kisses", when they are held together.  It's the most adorable thing I've seen!

For messaging, there are viber and whatsapp, both messaging tools that you can use to even message internationally (I belive you can also call with viber...).  I really like whatsapp and it's what we have used as a couple for the past two years; I especially like the tons of cute emoticons that we'll often string together for funny messages.  A new kind of "messageing" app I recently stumbled upon is Postagram.  With this app you upload your images and then you can send it as an actual postcard!  I haven't tried it yet, but I think it's such a great idea.  Additionally, I know many of my friends use snapchat as a fun way to talk to their loved ones, though I've never used it myself.

Also on smartphones you have a ton of multi-player games at your fingertips.  A few of these types of games that my boyfriend and I enjoy are: Angrywords (like scrabble), bike race, and draw something.  With a smartphone so much is possible for connecting a long distance relationship!

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Video Chat

Nowadays video chat is often the standard of most long distance relationships.  It's a great way to hear the voice of your loved ones while simultaneously seeing their face, essentially the closest you can get to face-to-face interaction while you are apart.  The most well-known program for video chatting is Skype.  It's free from computer to computer and has come a long way since I started using it my first years of college.  While Skype is the most well-known, it is definitely no longer the only chat of its kind.  There is facetime for Apple users, ooVoo, facebook video calling, and Google+ hangout which allows for multiple users to chat together at once.  It's all about your personal preference and what video chat program works best for your relationship.

"Dates"

When I say "dates," I mean virtual ones that really go hand and hand with video chatting.  I know I have read of some people having the date in public, taking their laptop to a coffee shop or somewhere else and have a date with their loved one but for my boyfriend and I, our "dates" were never anything in public.  Instead we would often cook together, study together, or watch movies together.  We would plan the time for our date and choose what we wanted do together.  Last fall for my boyfriend's birthday we 'celebrated' his birthday together with a birthday shot and blowing out a candle.  It was something small and sweet, but helped feel like we weren't so far apart for the major events in our lives.

Happy birthday to him!

Internet

Along with online games and phone apps, is the great technology that comes along with the internet in general.  There is first of all an abundance of advice you can find on the internet, like this great LDR website: Loving From a Distance.

But if you wanted something to send to your significant other then how about a geoGreating!  Type in your message and it searches for buildings and landmarks throughout the world that spell it out for you.  You could also send flowers with flowers2mail.  You choose and decorate the vase you'd like to use. then make your own floral arrangement.

If your LDR is very long distance like mine, then use this time zone converter or this distance calculator so you know what time it is where your loved one is and how far apart you two are.  You could also make a joint blog about your lives or a pinterest account for the things you would like to do/have when you're finally together.  The possibilities for long distance relationship activities and advice on the internet are endless and invaluable to any LDR.

The geoGreeting I made :)

Care Packages/Letters

This may be "old-school" for many people my age, before being in a long distance relationship I couldn't even remember the last time I mailed someone a letter, but it is much more sentimental than an email or text.  Mailing your loved one a letter or care package is a way of giving them a small part of you, something you physically had in your hands and sent to them.  You could even spray your perfume or cologne on what you sent so they receive your words and scent, or send an item of clothing of yours they loved.  

If you haven't sent your significant other something during your time apart I highly recommend it.  Receiving something in the mail is the best feeling in the world, especially if it's from the one you love.  Here is some stationary you can download and use in your next letter across the distance.

Postcard from when my BF was in the Philippines.

You can read more about my experience in a interview I did as part of the So You're Dating a Spaniard series in one of my favorite blogs: Y Mucho Más.

Have you been in a long distance relationship before?  What have you done in your LDR to help bridge the gap?

Long Distance Loving: How We Make it Work

Nowadays it seems that many people are in long distance relationships.  In my case, mine started when I met someone while they were studying abroad.  A reader of my blog recently mentioned I should blog about my situation as they were in a similar relationship, and while I try not to get too personal on here I thought it could be a good idea.  So here you go, the low-down on one real-life long distance relationship:

Our relationship is one thing that never fails to confuse people.  They can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that I would be 'crazy' enough to have a long distance relationship that is actually separated by an ocean.  We've been dating for 2.5 years but the last 1.5 has essentially been us living in our respective countries and traveling back and forth to visit.  When people find out that I'm in a long distance relationship there is always a multi-step reaction:

1. Initially it's: "Aw, cute!  Where's he from?"...then I throw out the curve ball that he's Spanish.
2. Now they look confused: "So wait, is he from Spain or studying in Spain?"  
3. I explain that he IS Spanish and therefore IS from Spain, as in you know, living there.  (That's when I get a face mixed somewhere between pity and horror.)
4. But it gets better.  This semester my Spanish boyfriend is currently studying in Shanghai, China. 

We went from this...

To this.  (Anyone else concerned google says I can drive there...)

Yes, you heard that right.  Instead of closing the 3,000+ mile gap we have created a 7,000+ mile gap.  My favorite part is the completely unreliable internet that makes skyping an absolute nightmare, not mention the complicated visa process just to visit China...but I digress...  Once people get over the initial shock there are always the same main questions: How did you meet?, What's it Like?, How do you make it work?, Do you have trouble understanding one another?, What are your plans for the future?  So here you go, the reality of an intercontinental relationship, because I promise you it's not all sunshine and daisies:

How We Met

We met at my University while he was studying abroad for a year and I was actually the very first girl that he met there.  It all started when I offered to help move move in the fridge for his roommate, who I previously knew.  Before I go further, if you know Spanish culture, you know that guys (and girls) will give two kisses, one on each cheek, when they meet a female.  Well I knew that too, but on that day I didn't even think about it. *foreshadowing*  When he went to shake the hands of the guys I was moving the fridge in with to thank them I instinctively held out my hand too.  When he gave me the two kisses instead of shaking my hand I was in complete shock until I remembered Spanish culture (too late).  I tried to compose myself so he didn't feel badly, but the damage was done.  Poor thing was mortified, and I actually avoided him for around a month because I was so embarrassed.  Eventually we bonded anyway by skydiving together and our love of world history/travel.  Good thing I didn't scare him off!

He's the one with the Spanish colors, go figure!

The Reality

Many people ask me what it's like being in a relationship with a person so far away, well the reality isn't pretty.  Only getting to see each other a couple times a year can be quite lonely.  People think falling in love with someone from another country is all sunshine and romance, where you meet some cute stranger and ride off into the sunset on their Vespa.  Incorrect.  Don't get me wrong, it is great, you know when you actually get to see each other.  Talking to him does help, but then you hang up on skype and you go out into the world and have to look at all those other couples happily together.

We've both learned how to cope (more or less) with the loneliness that comes with this type of relationship, but it's not any easier when you've had a rough day and just want your significant other to be with you.  We work really hard to get through those hard times by making our schedules work so that we can find time to talk, saving a lot of money to visit back in forth, planning in advance to get time off of work or school.  Not all long distance relationships are as extreme as ours; it all depends on the distance and the time zone situation, but it still isn't easy.

How We Make It Work

This one will be a long one because it is probably the most frequent question I get, how we make it work being apart.  Honestly, it takes a lot of effort and hard-work.  No relationship is perfect and last year was really difficult as our first year apart, we struggled with whether or not we could make it work, but in the end we have come out stronger and closer together.  We talk every day, though it's harder now with him in China.  Also, when we started being long distance the first thing we did was each get a smart phone.  Having whatsapp to chat with each other is the best, especially now that he has the app on his Chinese phone too.  We play multi-player games back and forth like: Angry Words, Draw Something, Bike Race (which I'm so painfully terrible at); it's a fun way to not feel so far apart.  Another thing we did while he was in Spain, and had more reliable internet, was to watch movies together.  Usually he would send one to me via our shared drop box account and we would sit on skype and watch the movie together.



The two most important thing we do to make it work though are: to be busy (and happy) with our own lives and to visit as often and for as long as we can.  The first part was hard for me especially.  I would be lying if I say I wasn't sad a lot at first.  I got through it by keeping myself busy and happy with my life as an individual; I started to get a gym routine, threw myself into my studies, made new friends, worked really hard.  Soon enough I wasn't sad all the time, dare I say...I was even happy.  Don't get me wrong, it's still hard missing him but keeping busy helped me appreciate living in the moment and enjoying the times when we couldn't be together.  As for visiting, we usually try to make it at least twice a year, taking turns, and the past two summers I've spent a couple months living in Spain with him and his family.  Every long distance relationship needs time together; seeing my boyfriend for even a week is the strongest reminder of why we do this to ourselves.  Because we love each other and want to make this work.

[Memoirs of a Young Adventuress had a great guest post on Things No One Tells You about Falling in Love Abroad.  And this site, Loving From a Distance also helped with some ideas on how to make the distance less painful.]

Understanding One Another

Another question I get a lot is what language we speak together.  It's mostly English because it's what we started talking in.  We met when he came to the United States to improve his English so it's the most natural thing for us to speak in, and his English is excellent (though he may stubbornly think otherwise).  Over the past year or so I've become more comfortable with my Spanish and have been trying to improve my skills so now we've been talking in Spanish more.  It's hard to get him to speak in Spanish sometimes though because he's so used to talking in English with me, often he'll just naturally go back to English!  I'm hoping that if I get to go to Spain this year with the teaching programs I'll be able to improve my Spanish enough that we can talk back and forth in both languages.  That's my goal, a fluent bilingual relationship!

Our Plans For The Future

Honestly our plans for the future are essentially non-existent, it's hard to plan in advance when neither of you have no idea what country or continent you'll be on.  We're hoping that he'll be able to stay in Spain for at least a semester if I get into one of the teaching programs but he's looking for jobs all over the world.  I could be moving to Spain while he moves to Canada or Australia!  While we don't have any concrete plans yet, we certainly hope that our futures are with each other.  It's not an easy road by any means, but it's one we're both willing to take it.


For more advice on keeping a long-distance relationship intact read my other post: Bridging the Gap in a Long Distance Relationship.

You can read more about my experience in a interview I did as part of the So You're Dating a Spaniard series in one of my favorite blogs: Y Mucho Más.

Have you ever had a long distance relationship?  Did you fall in love abroad?