I previously mentioned in my post What I'm Looking Forward To that sometimes I can push myself too hard when trying to practice my Spanish with my friends. The truth of the matter is that it's much more than pushing myself 'too hard' and feeling upset. Or getting anxious about things that seem relatively minor to most people. To make a long story short: I have anxiety. And not just "I'm-worried-about-moving-to-Spain anxiety," I mean the actual disorder, something I have lived with for years.
I had far less privacy away at college and had less room to hide my anxiety. It was then that my symptoms were finally diagnosed. It was also in this time that I was lucky enough to meet people dealing with the same issues. These amazing people helped me realize that having an anxiety disorder didn't mean something was wrong with me, and it didn't mean that it would control my life forever. I could learn how to control my anxiety and I could live happily. Through a healthy diet, regular exercise, a great support system, and training to think more positively I have over the past few years been able to help keep my symptoms at bay and turn my panic attacks into rare occurrences.
Yes, I do have a great group of friends and my boyfriend in Spain, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about this choice. I'm terrified. This is the biggest change I've ever made in my entire life and I am putting myself right into a situation that is potentially the going to trigger my anxiety. What if it does get out of control? What if I can't handle it?
There's nothing wrong with being anxious, confused, or scared. We are young and allowed to make big changes and be unsure of ourselves. It's okay to take a step out into the world and not be sure if it's the right choice. This is the time of your life to make big changes and question who you are and what you're doing.