Adults Can Feel Homesick Too?

It's been ages since I felt even slightly motivated to write anything, ugh.  And I was going to write about my recent trip to Sevilla, but over the past few weeks I've started to become bothered by some creeping negative feelings that I couldn't quite describe.   And it wasn't until a few days ago when I read a blog post about another girl doing the same program as me: "How I'm Battling Homesickness", that I realized the feelings I've been experiencing recently are actually the result of homesickness.

You heard me right.  And to those that know me well it may come as a shock, because I've never really been one to be homesick.  When I was little I always wanted to go to the longest sleep-away camps, stay forever at my family's summer cabin, or always sleep over my friends' houses.

A recent care package I received from some old students from home

I hadn't even realized my mood had changed until it was pointed out by my boyfriend.  "Why aren't you studying Spanish anymore?  Why don't you go out with your friends?  Why don't you seem happy?" he kept asking.  But I'd just brush it off by arguing that I was exhausted, I would feel better soon.  But I wasn't feelig better, and how could I be that tired when I'm only working twenty hours per week?  Yes, dealing with the language barrier and children are tiring, but there had to be something more.

And queue me stumbling upon that aforementioned blog post about homesickness and reading what she had to say: "Homesickness has nothing to do with whether or not you wanted to move to your new place or if you were forced. It’s a completely involuntary reaction" (source).  It hit me.  It wasn't about me missing anything specific about home, but about missing things that felt familiar.  I of course missed my family, friends, and cats; but I also missed feeling comfortable.  I missed feeling like I belonged.

My BF trying to help me keep my Halloween traditions abroad

I do love living in Spain, but living in another culture isn't always easy.  I missed being able to tune in and out of a conversation without being lost, I missed knowing how to get around my town without getting lost, and I missed feeling like I belonged.  I missed so many little things that I had taken for granted at home, things I didn't notice until they were gone like: living in a house instead of an apartment, not having to plan trips around available public transportation, marathons on TV, and comfort food.

I think there's nothing inherently wrong with feeling homesick.  It's perfectly normally when you make a big change or move away from where you have become familiar.  As far as I'm concerned it just means that you left a place that was worth you missing it.  My problem though was that over the past few weeks I had become so busy wallowing in my homesickness that I had stopped appreciating all the wonderful reasons that I had moved to Spain for in the first place.

A hiking field trip with my students definitely helped clear my head.

So instead of continuing my moping, I set out to find ways to deal with finding ways to deal with my bout of homesickness in a healthier way:

Don't want to lose touch with this cutie ^

1. Allow some Familiar Media-I had set out to only watch programs and movies in Spanish while I was living here, but then I just found myself missing the familiar voices of characters from my favorite shows and movies.  So I came up with a compromise of watching my favorites in English but the rest in Spanish to improve my understanding.  And to be quite honest I find that now that I feel like I have the choice, I generally choose to leave the TV in Spanish.
2. Don't Hide Away from the World-There have been so many days recently where I'd rather hang out in the comfort of my apartment then explore the outside world.  I even postponed grocery shopping as long as humanly possible because I just didn't feel like moving.  When I finally got myself up and moving, and spending time with friends I started to remember that Madrid is starting to feel like home, but only if I let it.
3. Find a Comfort Hobby-At home I always used to cook.  I love cooking, baking, trying different recipes, and food in general.  But when I moved here I was without an oven for the first time in my life and had trouble finding sufficient substitutes (hello where is the baking soda?), but thankfully my boyfriend and mom banded together to help me buy a small oven.  It is sadly seriously my favorite thing in my apartment and has made me feel so much more at home here in Madrid.  It's perfect for those cookie and cupcake cravings.
4. Don't Lose Touch with Home-Wherever you are in the world, whether it's near or far from where you're comfortable don't lose touch.  Sometimes it's not easy (the six hour time difference is not very forgiving) but even a few moments on Skype or just chatting on WhatsApp makes a world of difference.  Even if just for a few minutes talk to my cat, yes I said cat, I feel infinitely better.
5. Most Importantly: Don't Take Anything for Granted-Remember why you made this change in the first place.  Maybe you moved away for a great job or a new experience, but whatever the reason don't forget why you chose this step in your life.  You made the choice for a reason and don't take the opportunity for granted.  I may miss the comforts of home, but I am still incredibly grateful for this wonderful experience.

In the end, I have to realize that the good and bad are both parts of the experience of moving abroad.  Yes, I may have given up a lot and miss a lot of the familiar things from home, but as I near the three-month mark in Spain I realize I have also gained so much from living abroad.  I am more self-reliant, braver, and truly happier.  And not to mention that for the first time in the past two years of our relationship, my boyfriend and I are finally reunited.  Even on the worst days that is enough to remind me to be grateful for this experience in Madrid together.

Is anyone else out there feeling homesick too?  How are you dealing with it?

The Things I'll Miss the Most...

So as of today it's officially three weeks before I make the move 'across the pond' to Madrid.  Being so close to my departure date I'm feeling so many mixed emotions.  As excited as I am to go on this adventure and see all my friends (and my boyfriend) over in Spain, I know that there will be plenty of things I will miss about the US and my home state.

Beautiful RI beaches, even in the winter.

While I know this move is the right choice for me, it's still bittersweet as I say goodbye to everything I know.  Even when I went to an out of state school my freshman year I came home once a month and was home for all important holidays and events.  This time though I won't even be home for Christmas and may not see my loved ones until next summer (Though I'm very lucky to have such a great support system waiting for me in Spain!)

It's a giant leap into the 'adult' world and is full of scary unknowns and 'what-ifs': What if I don't like it there?  What if I don't like teaching there?  What if my boyfriend actually can't live with me? What if, what if, what if.  Instead of focusing on my worries I thought I would keep my mind on the positive.  I love Spain a lot, but I also love where I am from, and there are plenty of things I love about home that I'll miss.  I mean, it's a pretty awesome place to live if I do say so myself...

My Friends And Family

We didn't make matching t-shirts or anything...

This is a give-in usually, I think it's pretty common when you pack up and leave a place you've lived (in my case for my whole life) that you miss the people you've met along the way.  I have a great group of friends, some from high school and some from college, that have been there for me over the years and have been a really great support group.

It's taken a few years to get a solid group of real friends that I know I can depend on and will support me through anything, even if it's something like wanting to eat all day at Friendly's...or moving to Madrid.  

Best friend piggy back rides

It's definitely bittersweet saying goodbye to these who have been constants in my life, but it's even harder with most of us graduated and going our separate ways this year.  With myself and another friend to Spain, one to China, one staying in New Jersey, one maybe going to Idaho, and the others on the 'adult' job search, we're all going in different directions.

It's like we're the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants, but without the traveling pants...or all being girls...

And likewise with my friends comes missing my family while I'll be abroad this year. We may be small, but we're very close. My parents are divorced, but my mom and I are close and always do girl things together. I see my Dad every week and we've always been incredibly close too. He's my go to for logical advice on anything, especially handy now with my packing underway...

Not to mention my brother, my cousins (even though they might as well be my siblings!), my grandpa, and my aunt. All amazing!

As for my grandpa, he's probably the hardest to say goodbye to.  He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's earlier this year and it's hard knowing he doesn't always remember me anymore.  I often feel guilty leaving him behind this September as I head out on this adventure, but I know that if he was in a better state he would be the one pushing me to Spain.  So as much as this move is for myself, it's for doing what my grandpa would want for me. <3

Can't forget my baby!  I'll miss him too!

Food

Yum, wings with sauce!

This is my favorite topic in the entire world, food.  I love food.  And even though I do love Spanish food, I love saucy, spicy, sweet American food too.  I'm trying to hit all of my favorite local spots before I leave because I know food is something I missed a lot while in Spain the past two summers.

It's funny how things you don't really think about, like specific foods, can make a world of difference in homesickness.  Last summer when I was missing American food my boyfriend took me to Foster's Hollywood so I could get my American food fix and that little taste of home made me so happy.

Delicious, delicious Bismarks.

After visiting Spain a couple of times before I know what American foods I miss the most: good BBQ sauce, Buffalo sauce, any sauce, spicy food, good burgers, blue cheese dressing, peanut butter, dessert, maple syrup, and ice cream that's not plain. I'm trying to fit all of those in within the next three weeks...probably not the healthiest choice, but hey that's why I go to the gym so much!

Thanks to my food-loving friends I've definitely been making a dent in my list of must-have foods.  Not to mention so many people have already started stocking me up on food supplies to bring to Spain this year!  I already have BBQ sauce, Buffalo sauce, vanilla extract, and whole sauce recipe book my cousin put together for my birthday (I know it will be a lifesaver!).

But even with all this preparation I know there is one thing I will miss most of all.  Good beer, and a wide selection of good beer.  It's a hard thing to say "good-bye" to 69 beers on tap and "hello" to only one.  And that 'one' might as well be water.  Oh well, I guess you can't have everything.

I shall miss you dear beer with actual flavor!

New England Landscape

Rhode Island is a little known state.  Really.  Ask anyone outside of New England and they don't know it exists (sometimes even in NE!!), but I think it's one of the most beautiful.  We have a beautiful, rugged coastline, large forests, and hidden ponds and rivers.

It's full of New England charm and its landscape is something I will sorely miss while in Madrid.  I've always grown up near the ocean, my house is fifteen minutes and my dad's is only five.  My whole life I've never lived more than fifteen minutes away the ocean.  The beach was always my escape; a place I would go to study, read a book, or take a walk when I just needed a break from everything.  To not have that this year will be one of the hardest things to get used to.

Another part of Rhode Island, and New England in general, that I miss when I visit Spain is the woods.  How else could you have beautiful New England foliage in the fall if there weren't so many trees!  I live on a dead-end, seriously surrounded by trees, and have only one neighbor.

Along with not having the ocean, I won't have the solitude that comes from living in the wooded country.  I'm definitely moving out of my element going to Madrid, the third largest city in Europe, where I'm sure it will be much harder to find the solitude I'm used to.

While I'm excited for a new experience in the 'big city' I'll definitely miss my country roots and the landscape I grew up with.  I'm trying to take in as much of the woods, ocean, and rivers as I can before the trees I'll find will be in a park and I'll be serenaded by noises other than crickets at night.

Growing up my friends and I were all so excited to leave our small town one day and start out somewhere new in the big world.  Now that the day is coming up fast I find that I have much more appreciation for the beautiful area I was so lucky to grow up in, but so little time left to appreciate it!

I'm king of the world!  Or something like that...

Holidays and Traditions

Just my pumpkin patch donkey friend.

This really goes hand and hand with my missing my family, as most of these traditions are things we've done together since I was a little kid.  Being so far away, this is the first year I won't be able to celebrate birthdays, do any of these traditions, or celebrate any major holidays with my family.  

In the fall we always go pumpkin picking at one of the local farms.  Usually we also go in the corn maze and on the hayride, then go home and decorate our pumpkins.  I doubt I'll even be able to find a whole pumpkin in Spain, and celebrating Halloween there is very different (if even celebrated).  

Along with Thanksgiving, which obviously isn't traditionally celebrated in Spain, is cutting down our Christmas tree.  We always get it the Friday after Thanksgiving and it will be hard not being there to help pick it, cut it down, then decorate it at home.

While I know the Spanish Christmas celebration is not as different as Halloween, at least in my boyfriend's family, there will be certain traditions I'll miss doing with my family.  

Making all of our Christmas cookies for example, sometimes I think we end up with more cookies than dinner food...  Or our annual arts and craft project, reading the "Night Before Christmas," watching our holiday movies, and celebrating Christmas with specific traditions from our mixed cultural heritage.

1000x yum!

My family is a mix of the British Isles, Sweden, Germany, and French Canadian and a lot of that is incorporated in how we celebrate the holiday.  Our Christmas Eve food is normally a mix of traditional food from the British Isles, our Christmas Day breakfast is always Swedish (Swedish pancakes and coffee bread), and we of course have the German Christmas pickle...yes that's a real thing.

I know I'll miss spending the important days with my family but I know I'll get to experience a whole new set of cultures and traditions, as well as share some of my own as well.  Some of my friends have already mentioned having a Madrid Thanksgiving, and who knows, maybe I'll bring my own German pickle!

Free Gym Membership

This may sound like a strange thing to most people.  What normal person would miss a gym membership so much?  Well maybe I'm not that 'normal' but I honestly just really love working out, is that weird...  I seriously do like having my routine of three hours a week, I like doing cardio and strength, I like feeling stronger, having more stamina, and I like that I can go for free.  I'm sure most of you stopped right there, free?  As in no money?  But yes, you read that correctly.  For the past two years I've worked at the local YMCA and as a part-time employee I get a free membership, saving me hundreds of dollars a year!!

Now with moving to Madrid I'm worried about how I will be able to workout there.  I don't think I'll have enough money to spend on a monthly membership, as most seem to be at least €30+.  I've really been dependent on my membership while at home because every time I try to run outside I have intense hip pain (thank you scoliosis for my uneven hips).  I definitely will miss the free membership, and thus far have not come up with any way to soothe this loss in the move abroad...

My Car

Told you I was surrounded by woods!

As much as I do love the reliable transportation in Spain and don't really like driving that much, I will still miss my car.  

Or at least the freedom having my own car gives me.  I don't have to wait for the public transportation schedule, I don't have to worry about how late or early the transportation runs, and I don't have to know where I need to meet it either.  When I want to go somewhere, or need to get away, I can just hop in my car and I'm off.  

Having my own car is again something else I often took for granted living here.  Yes, driving is not my favorite, but I had the freedom to come and go as I please.  While I really am looking forward to public transportation this coming year I know I will miss not having the independence to rely on myself when I want to get somewhere.

Definitely won't miss this:

9 inches of snow...and only the middle of the storm

Sorry if this is a little "down," but now you can read about all the great things I'm looking forward to abroad!

For those of you moving, or doing a similar program, what will you miss about home?  Do you think you'll miss any of the same things?

The Week that Wouldn't End

So for the first time in long while I let a whole week go by without posting.  I can't help but feel guilty about this; like my lack of posts breaks some unspoken blog-world rules.  Then I remind myself that I'm pretty sure all those blog "views" are from my mom...

Regardless, my silence this past week has half been because I just didn't have any topic I felt strongly about writing, but also half because this has been a non-stop week of crazy.

Normally my schedule this summer has been babysitting three days a week and working twice at the local YMCA (yay for free membership!); but this week I picked up extra shifts on top of all the events that happened to land on this week.  All of this meaning I can't remember the last time I had adequate sleep or didn't need to chug a coffee to remain semi-conscious.

Since I don't want to bore everyone with my thrilling seven-day week work schedule, here are some of the more exciting parts of my long week in picture form.  Hopefully this coming week will bring more inspiration to post, and a little bit of a break wouldn't hurt either...

Finally rode my bike to the local beach, too bad it was 90°+

Enjoyed a much belated birthday dinner.

A nice storm-filled WaterFire Captain's training

Made some fabulous blow-art with the kids I babysit

Not to mention domino chains...

Had some quality time with the world's coolest (fattest?) cat.

BEACH BOYS CONCERT! AKA dream come true.

Enjoyed a manicure by one talented 6-year old.
(Don't worry, she saved the thumb for glitter)

How has this past week been for you?  Are you enjoying a relaxing summer, or working your tail off?

Summertime in Rhode Island

It's that glorious time of year in Rhode Island again, summertime.  Some may complain about the heat and humidity but, as a summer baby, I love every part of it.  Summertime is when southern Rhode Island comes alive, there is so much to do and see in southern Rhode Island.  This my first summer home in the past two years so I'm trying to make the most of it (while simultaneously trying earn extra money) before I head off to Spain in early September.

Over the years I've truly come to appreciate Rhode Island summers and while I enjoyed beautiful northern Spain, I did miss: the constant sunny days (not so much this week though!), the heat, the rivers, forests, and so much more that I grew up with.  So here is what I'm taking the time to enjoy this summer, in what could be one of the last for a while.

Food

My cousin made me a 'sauce recipe' book!

I love food.  LOVE IT.  A huge part of my summer has always been going out with friends and family to enjoy different local restaurants, especially seasonal ones that are only open during the warmer months.

With me moving to Spain this year I'm making an even bigger point to experience as much of the food I love before I can't have it anymore (especially American desserts because I have a terrible sweet-tooth).  So this all means a lot of wings, corn on the cob, doughboys, ice cream, Del's lemonade, anything "saucy", anything "spicy", and good beer.

Especially good beer.  

Enjoying a delicious rack of beer.

My heart weeps at the thought of going a year without any porters and only Guinness as a stout.  My dad and I love a good dark beer and a good variety, to put that into perspective our favorite tavern has 69 beers on tap.  When I describe the Spanish beer, and lack of variety on tap, to my dad he just looks at me in horror, like I told him they eat baby kittens and breathe fire.

But I do love Spanish food and luckily Spain redeems itself with it's fantastic wine.  So I'm making sure to enjoy plenty of food and drink during my "maybe last Rhode Island summer."

Cotton candy with nerds, is that weird?

Work

Luckily I love one of my summer jobs so it's not too painful having a spainless summer.  Right now I'm babysitting three days a week for a wonderful local family who has just about the cutest kids I've ever met.  I met them in the after-school program I ran this year, and I'm so glad I got lucky with such a great family because it's been an absolute joy working for them.

The first day I came over they begged me to stay for dinner and then when we finished eating the little boy turned to his dad and asked: "Can we play with her?" I died laughing.

His favorite memory from the after-school program was
hitting me with the ball, real funny kiddo.

They're insanely fun kids with lots of energy and have so many things to ask me about Spain and what life is like there.  Luckily my BF is a good resource and gladly answers all the questions a six and eight year old are curious about, aka everything.

Our time has been spent going to the library, pillow fights, intense Uno matches, and playing hide and seek (so unfair because I'm too tall to hide!).  The hours and days fly by and even though I still have three weeks left I'm dreading when I have to say goodbye, the first goodbyes were already hard enough! :(

Kayak

My baby

Another huge part of summer has always been kayaking.  My family first started kayaking and canoeing when I was around ten years old and I got my own kayak when I was about thirteen.  I mean, why not kayak, there's so much water access around here.  Before I started going to Spain during the summer months, my dad and I used to take trips sponsored by the local Wood-Pawcatuck Watershed Association.  

This non-profit group ran 6-8 mile-long kayak trips called "Source to Sea" during the month of June.  They don't run that particular event anymore (as far as I know) but have many other great ones through the Spring-Fall.

The point being, I want as much kayak time as possible while I still have the rivers and the means.  Southern RI is home to many great rivers and salt ponds, I've even taken my baby out into the ocean a time or two.  Moving to Madrid means I'll definitely be much further away from the natural beauty I've grown up with in the country.  While I'm excited for some big city life, I'll seriously miss the experience you get kayaking down a pristine river.  

Beach

Beaches in RI, especially southern Rhode Island, are the way of life in the summer.  It's been so weird being home this summer but working so much that I have yet to purchase a beach pass, and I still don't know if I will...  It's doubled in recent years to $60 and I only have a month and a half left.  However, I refuse to let a summer go by without enjoying our beautiful beaches.  

Even beautiful on a cloudy day

Luckily my dad only lives about a mile from some of the local beaches so I'm planning on just parking there and riding my back instead (great exercise and saves money/the environment!).  I'm not really into paying $60 for only a month and a half of beach time when I can get it for free.

Gorgeous sunsets, what's not to love about the beach!

Unlucky for me though, the weather this week has been pretty awful and rainy so I haven't had any motivation to get out and go to the beach.  Hopefully one of these next couple of days the weather will turn around so I can enjoy some beach time before I move to the first place I've ever lived that is inland!  

As a beach bum (my friends and I seriously would even go in the winter), it's probably the thing about Madrid I'm least looking forward to.  I guess I'll just have to make plenty of visits to Santander to get my beach fix throughout the year!

Volunteering

I make everyone participate:
here is the BF lighting the fires

A huge part of my summers for the past four years has been volunteering with WaterFire Providence.  I've blogged about it before and as always, it's a beautiful experience and I highly recommend that anyone in the Providence area should look into either attending a lighting, or volunteering.  It's a great non-profit organization that promotes the arts in Providence.  I love WaterFire because it's like a family and it's always great to take part in any of the events.  I generally go on the wood boats with my dad, but have from time to time volunteered in other areas.

Unfortunately I'm at a disadvantage because I'm about an hour away from Providence so a lot of weekday or weekend morning events I can't attend because of work.  Since I can't make it for weekdays, I try to sign up for as many weekend evenings as I can.  

So far there haven't been too many lightings due to issues with the tide levels, but there is in fact one tonight starting around 8pm and will start to pick up more over the next few months until the final lighting of the season in November.  I know I've truly enjoyed being welcomed into the WaterFire family over the past few years. 

Concerts

I don't actually go to that many concerts during the summer, unless it's Blues on the Beach down in Westerly.  This year however as part of my early Christmas gift, since I won't be home for Christmas, is a Beach Boys concert at Monhegan Sun in a few weeks!  I'm beyond excited because next to the Beatles, the Beach Boys is my favorite band of all time.  I've always wanted to see them play, and while it may not be all the original members, I've never been so excited for any concert before.  And I think my mom is just as excited as I am!

source

Family/Friends

This is probably self-explanatory, but spending time with my friends and family is also a huge part of my summertime in Rhode Island.  Hopefully I'll even get to visit one of my childhood friends in Maine who I haven't seen in a few years!  There's so many people I want to spend time with before the end of summer.  Even doing small things like getting Del's lemonade, going for a walk on the beach, or playing mini-golf is quality time with the people I care about.  Time that in a few months will be much harder to come by, so I'm trying to appreciate what I have while I still have it.

Throwback of the brother and I, you're welcome.

What are your summer plans so far?  Are there things you also like to typically do this time of year?